How connecting with others can improve your heart health

Love is an emotion, and emotions are usually brief. Barbara Fredrickson, a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who dedicated her career to the study of positive emotions, calls them micro-moments. She defines love as, “Any shared genuine and positive feeling with another human being”. This not only includes romantic love, but also laughing with a friend, hugging someone you know, or smiling at a stranger.

When you connect with someone, a biological dance unfolds in your body, as Fredrickson puts it, one which particularly affects your vagus nerve.

Let’s learn about our vagus nerve, shall we?

The vagus nerve, also called the “wandering nerve”, is the longest of the cranial nerves that runs from your brain to the small intestine, touching the heart, the stomach, and most vital organs along the way. When someone says that they have a “gut feeling,” that is due to the vagus nerve: It communicates the emotional intuitions from the gut to the brain. Another of its key functions is to activate the relaxation response of your parasympathetic nervous system, which creates feelings of safety and helps with digestion. For instance, your vagus nerve slows your racing heart after being frightened.

The vagus nerve affects your health: It reflects your body's ability to regulate inflammation, glucose levels, and our heart rate. Actually, Fredrickson’s research found that people with higher activity in the vagus nerve, not only have stronger social bonds, but also lower levels of inflammation and better overall heart health.

My point is this: When you increase the functioning of your vagus nerve, you actually improve your health! In the same way you go to the gym to tone your upper arms, micro-moments of social connectedness tone your vagus nerve. Making an intentional effort to increase your daily diet of micro-moments of connection is as important as eating your vegetables or being physically active: The very rhythm of your heart becomes healthier.

What can you do today?

What can you do today to create one of those micro-moments? A moment where you feel connected to another human being even for a second? In one of my group coaching sessions, I asked that very question, and we brainstormed lots of different ideas. Here are 10 of them:

1. Laugh with a friend.

2. Smile at someone.

3. Exercise with a friend or with a group outside (e.g., walking, biking, tai chi, yoga, stretching).

4. Have a meaningful conversation with a friend or a colleague (consider meeting on Zoom or on the phone if you can’t meet in person).

5. Start a conversation with a stranger.

6. Be of service to others, e.g. volunteering or mentoring.

7. Be helped by someone, e.g., asking a stranger for assistance.

8. Host a gathering (in your home, in your garden, or even online!).

9. Cook for others.

10. Exchange learning: Connecting with someone by teaching each other something new.

Which one will you choose?

Tip: If none of these 10 ideas resonate with you, you can also trigger a relaxation response and increase the functioning of your vagus nerve by focusing on the inhalation-to-exhalation ratio of your breathing, consciously extending the length of each exhale as you go about your day. For example: Inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 8 counts.